Sunday, March 13, 2011

Winter Life in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan

The Diary of a Snow Shoveler

 in the UP

Oct 23

6:00 PM. It started to snow.

 The first snow of the season the wife and I and sat for hours by the window watching the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven.

 It looks like a Grandma Moses Print.

 So romantic
 we felt like newlyweds again. I love snow!

November 15th
We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering every inch of the landscape.

 What a fantastic sight!

Can there be a more lovely place in the Whole World?

 Moving here was the best idea I've ever had.

 Shoveled for the first time in years and felt like a boy again.

 I did both our driveway and the sidewalks.
The snowplow came along and covered up the sidewalks, closed in the driveway, I got to shovel again. 

                             What a perfect life.

November 30th:

The sun has melted all our lovely snow.

 Such a disappointment.

 My new neighbor Bob tells me not to worry, we'll definitely have a white Christmas.

 No snow on Christmas would be awful!
 Bob says we'll have so much snow by the end of winter, that I'll never want to see snow again.
 I don't think that's possible.

 Bob is such a nice man,

 I'm glad he's our neighbor.

December 14
Snow lovely snow! 8" last night.

The temperature dropped to -20.
 The cold makes everything sparkle so.
The wind took my breath away, but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks.

 This is the life!

The snowplow came back this afternoon and buried everything again.

 I didn't realize I would have to do quite this much shoveling, but I'll certainly get back in shape this way.

December 15

20 inches forecast.
 Sold my van and bought a 4x4 Blazer.
 Bought snow tires for the wife's car and 2 extra shovels.

                 Stocked the freezer.

The wife wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes out.

 I think that's silly.

 We aren't in Alaska, after all.  
                         This is the just the UP.

December 16
Ice storm this morning.
Fell on my butt on the ice in the driveway putting down salt.                            Hurt like heck.
 The wife laughed , which I think was very cruel.

December 17
Still way below freezing.
 Roads are too icy to go anywhere.
Electricity was off for 5 hours.
 I had to pile the blankets on to stay warm.
 Nothing to do but stare at the wife and try not to irritate her.
 Guess I should've bought a wood stove, but won't admit it to her.
 God I hate it when she's right.
 I can't believe I'm freezing to death in my own living room.

December 20
Electricity's back on, but had another 14" of the white stuff last night.
 More shoveling. Took all day.
 Darn snowplow came by twice.
Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said they're too busy.
I think they're lying.
 Called the Coop store to see about buying a snow blower and they're all out.
 Might have another shipment in March.
 I think they're lying.

December 22
Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more inches of the white crap fell today, and it's so cold it probably won't melt till August.

Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to shovel. Tried to hire Bob who has a plow on his truck for the rest of the winter; but he says he's just too busy. I think the jerk is lying.

December 23

Only 2" of snow today. And it warmed up to 0.

 The wife wanted me to decorate the front of the house this morning. What is she nuts!!!

 Why didn't she tell me to do that a month ago? She says she did 
but I think she's lying.

December 24

6". Snow packed so hard by snowplow, I broke the shovel. Thought I was having a heart attack.

 If I ever catch the man who drives that snowplow I'll drag him through the snow by his nose and beat him  with my broken shovel.

 I know he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shoveling and then he comes down the street at 100 miles an hour and throws snow all over where I've just been!

Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas carols with her and open our presents, but I was too busy watching for the snowplow.

December 25

Merry -bleeping- Christmas! 20 more inches of the slop tonight. Snowed in.

 The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil.

 I hate the snow!

 . The wife says I have a bad attitude.

 I think she's a  idiot.

December 26
Still snowed in. Why the heck did I ever move here?

It was all HER idea.

 She's really getting on my nerves.

Jan 27

Temperature dropped to -30 and the pipes froze, plumber came after 14 hours of waiting for him

Jan 28

Warmed up to above -20. Still snowed in. THE WITCH is driving me crazy!!!

Jan 29

10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it could cave in.

 That's the silliest thing I ever heard. 

How dumb does he think I am?

Jan 30

Roof caved in.

 I beat up the snow plow driver he is  suing me

 The wife went home to her mothers. 9" predicted.

Jan 31
I set fire to what's left of the house. No more shoveling.

Fe 8

In the hospital.  just love those little white pills they keep giving me.

 Why am I tied to the bed?

To God Be The Glory